In a boy’s dream

This particular time I think I’ve grown up, it is in the lack of school uniform and the setting of a bar that I feel we may have just about managed to move onto the next stage of this interminably dull process of misapproriating ideas until the mental structure they constitute has been diluted enough so as to be harmless not just to the host but to those that mingle round.
Perhaps though we’ve bottled it all up because this time things are decidedly aggressive and for once I don’t bother pulling out any high minded ideals and instead put all my energy into returning like with like. Instead of attempting to douse the flames I’m all ready to throw this gasoline onto the crackling beginnings of the destruction of this very room and all who dwell within it, this time I’m angry and I’d like everyone to know it, like some planet that considers itself the center of an uncentered universe, they will be pulled into this gravitational deathtrap and obliterated.
You crash into me, subtley all now lost as crude imagery overrides, I like it that way because tonight lacks all nuances of finely tuned sentences written several times crossed out repeatedly, formulated to have the maximum impact for the minimum effort and yet only interpretable by those who wrote them. Additionally I forget my line anyhow and launch into an ill thought out diatribe, improvised less by a rational mind and more from a desire to articulate no matter how badly exactly what it is that I feel.
Not that when we talk of feeling we know what we mean, I get the idea now that everything we talk about as non-corresponding concepts of love and hate and fear and hope are based on so many chemicals forming a messy and boring equation within the confines of our paper thin skulls.
This dream leaves me lying on the floor, leaves me wishing I could feel empty, leaves me a million miles from where I want to be, which is unquantifiable anyhow because I don’t know where that is.
You are her, you are you, you are probably something of myself and it is so peculiar that somebody who can be so heavily spread throughout my myopic little world can be so absent from it at the same time.